


Fake It Till You Make It

by Azeran



Series: Camp Camp [11]
Category: Camp Camp (Web Series)
Genre: Body Image, F/M, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Reflection, gwenvid - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-07
Updated: 2019-08-07
Packaged: 2020-08-11 07:10:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20149699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azeran/pseuds/Azeran
Summary: Objectively speaking, she’s not the ugliest person on the planet, or even ugly in general. Gwen could acknowledge that. Instead, she’s...boring? Yeah. Boring’s a good way to put it.





	Fake It Till You Make It

**Author's Note:**

> Yup. Title and tags pretty much speak for themselves on this one. Comments appreciated!

Logically, Gwen knows she shouldn’t objectify her body. The part of herself that dual majored in psychology constantly reminds her that not physically fitting into the status quo isn’t important, doesn’t affect her self worth, yada yada. It’s what inside that matters. And sure, inside she's tempestuous, a surly ball of anxiety and self deprecating humor. Gwen _ likes _that about herself. Most of the time. But her outer self? Hooboy. Now that, that’s the problem. 

Objectively speaking, she’s not the ugliest person on the planet, or even ugly in general. Gwen could acknowledge that. Instead, she’s...boring?

Yeah. Boring’s a good way to put it. 

Gwen frowned, scrutinizing her reflection in the mirror. Her facial features weren’t terrible. A bit plain, with a nose that was just a little too sharp for her face, and tired eyes always stamped with semi permanent dark circles, which she fully blamed on David and their gaggle of hell raisers. But other than that, nothing to complain about. Nothing to compliment either. 

Shifting her weight, Gwen straightened up and looked herself over. Her pajamas, a shirt with more holes than fabric, and a thin pair of sleep shorts, only exposed the things about herself she disliked; thick thighs, hips that had the barest hint of a curve, and a tragically small bust. ‘Course, she _ was _wearing a sports bra. Way more comfortable. Still, it wasn’t hiding much. Not that she really wanted huge boobs or anything, because that’d be all sorts of fresh hell on her posture, which was already….eeeehhh? Turns out, hunching over trash fanfiction and seedy romance novels was bad for the back! Who knew?

Hm. Gwen made a face, scrunching a hand through her hair. It was a hot mess, thanks to the humidity. Perfectly fitting, considering the rest of her! Fuck, was any part of her above average? Her waist was slim, sort of, if you didn’t count the slight bit of pudge above her groin. And she was toned. Both her forearms and calves had a prominent layer of muscle, built up from wrangling the demon spawn they called campers. She was no bodybuilder, but still. Muscle! 

Damn shame the list of things she liked about her appearance was _ waaaay _outranked by all the bad. Gwen smirked, subconsciously tugging on the hem of her shirt. Self esteem, psh. Who needed it? She’d already nailed herself a beanpole of a boyfriend anyway, and he didn’t have any complaints. In fact, David had the exact opposite. He spoke flattery like it was his native tongue, with all the genuineness of a saint. Anything Gwen didn’t like about herself, David loved. It was his default setting. It was-

“Gwen!! Your hair’s down!” Positively dripping with joy, David bounded out of the bathroom in a cloud of steam, wearing nothing but a towel and a cheerful grin. “I love how curly it is tonight. You’ll let me brush it, right?”

Gwen grimaced, detangling the hand she’d been using to finger comb out said curls. Annoying. Yup. The word she was looking for here was annoying. And endearing. They were a two for one package deal when it came to David. “Suuuuure. Go crazy. But I’m pretty sure it’s a lost cause.”

“Don’t be silly! You just have to have a little patience,” David hummed, already gravitating towards the wide tooth comb resting on their shared dresser that Gwen kept for just such an occasion. Namely, every other day of her godforsaken life. “Were you waiting for me? I didn’t mean to take so long, but the hot water felt so good! You sure you don’t want a shower tonight? It’s the perfect way to unwind after a long, fun filled day!”

“No thanks. I’ll grab one in the morning. Help prepare myself for the day, or whatever.” Shooting her reflection one last scowl, Gwen flopped down on her bed, firmly ignoring the appreciative looks she could _ feel _David giving her. He wasn’t subtle. “You’re staring.”

“Maybe. Does it bother you?” 

Oh please. “Yes David. I hate having my boyfriend look at me like I’m eye candy. How even dare you?” Gwen drawled, earning a huff of laughter from the redhead. 

“I’ll take that as a no then.” David gently touched the comb to the ends of her hair and started the complicated process of detangling her hair. “Lean your head back a little.”

“Mm..” Gwen did exactly that, letting David do as he pleased as he used both the comb and his fingers to smooth out her wayward locks. She hated to admit it, but he was a lot better at it than she was. His monumental ability to be patient in all things meant he didn’t get half as frustrated as she did, which for her usually ended in split ends, and more than a few tangles ripped clear out. No thank you. This was _ waaaay _better. 

“That feels fucking amazing.” Shivering at the sensation of the comb’s dull teeth rasping across her scalp, then immediately soothed by his calloused fingertips, Gwen melted into the warmth of David’s touch. God, she was basically an overgrown cat. “Why don’t you do this every night?”

“You’ve never asked! But I’d love to. I find it just as relaxing as you do.” A pale arm looped around her middle and pulled her closer as David put the finishing touches on her hair. How he got it done so quickly was beyond Gwen, but she couldn’t really complain. Especially since regular old affection replaced the comb, soft kisses pressed into the tamed maroon waves as David smiled and nuzzled her neck. “So what were you doing? Before I came out of the shower, I mean.” 

There was a hefty weight behind the seemingly innocent question, and Gwen sighed, knocking her skull against his shoulder. There went the peaceful moment. Dammit. She should’ve realized. David wasn’t the oblivious puppy he liked to pretend he was. He wouldn't ask a question if he didn’t already know the answer. Most of the time. 

“Oh, nothing much. Drowning in self deprecation, letting the world’s beauty standards taint my perceived image of myself. You know, the usual.” Gwen smirked, peering up at David through her bangs. The look on his face wasn’t a happy one. Go figure. “I’m sure you’ve already got a long list of rebuttals built up, so c’mon! Let’s hear it. You’re probably dying to tell me how great I am.”

“You are great! And pretty, and nice, and shapely..” David flushed, turning pink up to the tips of his ears. “I—Well. You have long legs, and your hips are perfectly proportional to your, ah...backside.”

“Nice. Very smooth,” Gwen teased. “You’re an adult, remember? You can say ass. There’s no children around to traumatize with your foul language.” 

It was David’s turn to roll his eyes. Something he wouldn’t dream of doing during the day, but Gwen got to see the best, and _ worst _of his quirks. “Force of habit. But I stand by what I said. Your...ass is very nice.”

“Thanks. Glad someone appreciates it.” 

“I do! I appreciate all of you,” David smiled. “You’re a beautiful person Gwen, inside and out!” Pressing himself flush against her back, he pecked her on the cheek. “And since I know how you think, no. I'm not just saying that to make you feel better. To me, you're the prettiest woman in the world! I could write a whole song about all the ways I find you attractive.”

“A whole song huh? Flattering.” It was, damn him. Gwen couldn’t deny that, even if a part of her was utterly stupefied by how much David cared for her. It was a confidence booster though. Ugh. Trust David to always make her feel better about herself. 

“Oh Gwen, it’s not flattery. It’s the truth! I just wish you could see yourself the way I see you.” With a thoughtful sound David slipped his other arm around her and caressed the arch of Gwen’s knee, blunted nails drawing faint patterns up and down her brown skin. “Hey….lie down for a sec? I want to try something.”

Because didn’t sound ominous at all. “...ooook?” Gwen wriggled free of his grip and casually fell backwards onto the sheets, her legs splayed open to leave room for David’s girth. Not that his scrawny body actually took up any room. But the sight of him kneeling between her thighs did all the right things to her insides, so she couldn’t really complain. “If this is your way of telling me you want to fuck, you can just ask.”

“It’s not. I won’t rule out the possibility though,” David hummed, distracted. Lacing their left hands together and pinning the limb in question beside her head, he roamed the other across her skin, tracing the curve of her jaw, her neck, his warm green irises bright with an emotion Gwen recognized as pure, loving devotion. “You really don’t see it, so you?”

“What? You fawning over me?” Gwen shivered, helpless against the allure of being pet and coddled. “I see that every day David. You don’t exactly hide it.”

“And why would I? You deserve to be loved. But that’s not what I’m talking about Gwen.” With a breathy laugh the redhead caressed her pulse, then swept his thumb back up her cheekbone. “You have the most beautiful eyes. Have I ever told you that?” 

“Uh, probably? You tell me a lot of things.”

David just beamed, entirely unphased by her nonchalance. “Well, did I ever tell you _ why _? Your eyes are almost the exact color of lilacs, except...more colorful! If that’s even possible. Sometimes, when you’re excited about something, I swear they light up from within, like you have a hidden fire inside you!” He gave her a radiant smile and pressed a kiss to her brow. “And when you’re tired, it’s like walking through a field of lavender on a misty day. I could get lost in your gaze Gwen.” 

Fuck. Damn. How did she even respond to that? “I think you missed your calling as a writer. I haven’t heard anything that romantic since my last Nora Roberts binge.”

“Why thank you! It's easy to be inspired when I have such a wonderful muse. And by the way…..you’re deflecting.” David bopped the tip of her nose. “I read about that in one of your psychology books! You do it a lot, usually when you’re nervous. Or if I’m making you embarrassed from too much affection. That one’s especially cute! You get all flustered, and your lip quivers, like you’re trying to hold back a smile so I don’t see. Which you absolutely shouldn’t do, because I love your smile!”

“Because it’s a part of me.” Gwen guessed. 

“Exactly,” David laughed. “Now you’re catching on!” His smile remained, and yet the mood took a sudden, more serious shift. Lacing their fingers together just a little bit tighter, David dragged his other set down the center of her chest, and then his palm was flat on her stomach, fingertips spread wide enough to encompass her lower rib cage. Each breath Gwen took, he felt. And she felt_ him,_ warm to the touch and heartbreakingly gentle as he stroked back and forth, each time moving his thumb closer to her groin.

“David….” Gwen bit her lip, matching David’s tender stare with her own uncertain one. She was pretty good at reading a room, but right now her senses were all messed up. He had that effect on her sometimes. “What are you doing?” 

“Thinking.” David paused, drawing lazy patterns across the sensitive flesh of her navel, which her shirt didn’t do a damn thing to muffle. “I guess I’m a little confused. Not in a bad way, but I can’t help wondering...how is it that can you be so confident, and still second guess all the things that make you special? You’re an incredible woman Gwen. I just...I don’t understand.” 

Goddammit. That was such a _ David _thing to ask. But he wouldn’t like the answer. Her psyche was all sorts of fucked up, and delving into it would be a literal nightmare. Parental issues, crippling anxiety, her own warped sense of self worth, and an endless string of fucks and loveless relationships that had come before sweet, adorable man above her, which still affected her ability to forge bonds to this day. 

All in all, shit she really wasn't in the mood to share. 

Gwen hesitated, quickly cycling through her options. Telling the truth sounded awful. Deflecting was off the table though, since David apparently had the balls to call her out on it. So...middle ground? 

“Look David,” Gwen licked her lips, nervously glancing away. “I-I’m not as confident as you might think. I’ve got a pretty stubborn fake it till you make it policy. Hide all the bad shit, so no one really knows what I’m thinking. Back before I started working here, it was the only way I could survive. Life sucked. I was drowning in bills, anxiety, unending dark thoughts; you name it. Coming here was a last resort.”

“I know. We’re lucky you stuck around.” David smoothed his palm across her ribs, counting each freckle, every tiny scar with his index finger. “Why did you?”

“Stupid. Because of _ you. _And the kids too, I guess. Undeserving brats that they are.” Gwen turned her head and kissed the outer pulse point of David’s wrist. Only thing she could reach, but the sentimentality was there. “This camp, I-I wanted to hate it David! Half the time you and the little demons drive me insane! Shit gets broken, we’re constantly in debt, my stress levels are through the roof-!”

“But you’re still here.” David interjected, searching her face for something. What, Gwen wasn’t sure. Answers? Connection? “Gwen...even if it’s for me, I don’t want you to stay at a job you hate. I can’t stand the thought of you being miserable..” 

“That’s just it. I’m _ not. _ Sure, sometimes I have a bad day, and I get overwhelmed, but that’s nothing compared to how shit used to be! You, this camp—David, it’s changed me so much for the better. Sometimes I don’t even recognize myself!” Gulping down a ragged breath, not that it did jack diddly to calm her down, Gwen kept going. Kept _ speaking_. “I’m a lot happier now, here, with _ you _ . And I never thought that’d be possible. Me, happy? What a joke.” She reached up and cupped David’s cheek. “But David...some habits are hard to break. I don’t know how to like myself the way you do. I’m trying my best though. I’m _ trying _to learn. Ok?”

David released a tired sigh, and his smile frayed at the edges, losing some of its sunshine. “......yeah. I’m sorry Gwen. It’s just, seeing the way you look at yourself, like you hate what you see—it bothers me. You have no idea how beautiful you are, and I wish I had a better way to show you.”

“What are you talking about? You were showing me pretty damn well a few minutes ago, before you got all existential on me,” Gwen scoffed, pointedly looking at the milky hand palming her ribs. “I like you touching me idiot. And the compliments were nice too. They make me feel...wanted. Loved. Y’know, all that touchy feely stuff you’re always going on about.”

It wasn’t much, but some of the light returned to David’s eyes. “Really? Well, I mean, that’s great!! I'm glad!” He drew his fingertips across her navel in a deliciously slow caress, mischief banishing what remained of his unhappy frown. “Since you liked it, does that mean I can keep going? I have a lot more compliments I’d like to use! And who knows? Maybe it’ll help change your point of view!” 

“Maybe…” wouldn’t know until they tried. Besides, it was pretty hard to deny a request that heartfelt, especially when Gwen had a feeling David’s little scheme had a risqué ending planned. “I guess I’m all ears then,” Gwen drawled, nestling further into the sheets as the redhead gave her a toothy grin and dipped his hand between her legs. She could already hear the poetry. It wouldn’t convert her into a self love fiend like David, but being loved this way, hearing what he thought of her…

She might start believing it, one of these days. 


End file.
